Empathy
By Rich Bayer, Ph.D.
Dr.
Paul Wong tells the story of Johnny, who was diagnosed with cancer when he
was only 17 years old. He
became very angry and refused to talk to anyone.
In
his mind, this simply wasn’t fair.
When
family members tried to console him by talking about his problems, he
rejected them. Often he yelled at them. Even with the doctor he had no
patience.
He
stayed in his bedroom for days at a time.
After a few weeks, the minister came by to talk with him. Johnny
rejected him too. He barked at the minister, “You don’t know what
it’s like.” But the minister responded quietly, “Well actually I do
because I have cancer myself.”
At
this point, Johnny began to cry. It was as if an emotional barrier had
melted. He spent the next couple hours talking with the minister and found
himself accepting his illness. He began feeling better than he had since
he was first diagnosed.
He
had been touched by the minister's empathy, and had found his own.
Empathy
is the ability to experience, and respond to, another person’s feelings.
Empathy is more than just awareness of another person’s emotions. It’s
feeling those emotions within and expressing your feelings in a heartfelt
way
Empathy
requires the cognitive ability to understand another person's feelings and
thoughts, and the emotional capacity to actually feel them. Some
scientists believe that empathy also includes the ability to communicate
that understanding to another person.
To
some extent, our ability to be empathic is genetic, inherited over
generations. There is a survival value to the human species to be able to
know what another human is experiencing. But, empathy can also be taught.
For
example, many programs in the schools have taught children how to be more
empathic. Interestingly, the children who participated in these programs
improved on a number of levels. They tended to do better academically,
score better on tests of higher-order reading comprehension, display
enhanced creative thinking and critical thinking, show an increase in
pro-social behavior (sharing, cooperation, trust, kindness), and
experience a decrease in bullying and aggression.
Studies
of adults have shown that those who are more empathic tend to be happier.
For one thing, they’re motivated to do things for others and helping
others increases their own happiness. On the opposite end of the spectrum,
people who remain preoccupied with themselves tend to be unhappy.
As
you might have guessed, empathy increases with age. In general,
adolescents are capable of, and show, more empathy than toddlers while
adults are capable of, and show, more empathy than adolescents. In
addition, women tend to be more empathic than men.
How
to Improve Empathy
When
we experience empathy, three things happen. First we recognize a
person’s emotional state. Second, we connect to that state and actually
experience it ourselves. And third, we act on it. We show our feelings to
the other person or talk with that person in depth about what he or she is
experiencing.
Parents
can help children become more empathic by:
·
Being responsive to children’s feelings and needs.
·
Acting positively toward positive behavior.
·
Modeling empathic behavior.
·
Reasoning with children about the effects of their behavior
on others.
·
Helping children understand how they’ve hurt others
whenever that situation occurs.
·
Providing consistent care.
·
Avoiding the use of threats and frequent physical
punishment.
·
Not rejecting or withdrawing from children when they express
an emotional need.
·
Providing a home without family violence.
As
an adult, you can become more empathic by:
·
Increasing your awareness of your inner emotional states.
It's easier to recognize feelings in others when you're familiar with
feelings within yourself.
·
Teaching yourself to pay attention to the emotional states
within others.
·
Improving your recognition of similarities between yourself
and others. Your empathy for another person depends in part on seeing
yourself as similar to that person.
Empathy
is an important human trait. It helps us connect with one another on a
deep level. It helps us understand our friends and neighbors, and even our
enemies. It helps us to become more social.
Surely
empathy is a trait worth cultivating.
---------------------------------------
Rich Bayer,
Ph.D., is the CEO of Upper Bay Counseling and Support Services, Inc. and a
practicing psychologist.
###
For More Information Contact:
Upper Bay Counseling and Support Services, Inc.
200 Booth Street, Elkton, MD 21921
Tel: 410-996-5104
Toll Free: 877-587-7750
FAX: 410-996-5197
Internet: info@upperbay.org
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